75 - Goal Setting Done Right

This is our fourth day, and probably the one that you've been most looking forward to maybe, because this is where we are talking about how to set those goals. I'm going to tell you all about process versus progress goals, clean versus dirty goals. And then I'm gonna walk you through my process of how to set goals.



Episode 305 of Going Beyond the Food Show with Stephanie Dodier

Transcript

Hey, and welcome back to the emotional eating therapist show and our five episodes in five days. This is our fourth day, and probably the one that you've been most looking forward to maybe, because this is where we are talking about how to set those goals. I'm going to tell you all about process versus progress goals, clean versus dirty goals. And then I'm gonna walk you through my process of how to set goals. Now is a great time for you to go grab that activity that we did a couple episodes ago, where I had you write out who you were in the years 2020 21 and 22, because we're going to use that and build on it this episode. Welcome to the emotional eating therapist Show. I'm your host Sabrina Rogers, a licensed mental health counselor, intuitive eating and body image expert, and recovering perfectionist. After healing my own disordered eating and body image issues. I'm helping women let go the guilt and shame around eating, feel at peace around food and befriend the image they see in the mirror. In this podcast, we chat about all things food, body and mental health so that you can stop dieting, let go of perfectionism. And finally, feel confident in all areas of your life. If you want to connect with me on social media, I'm on Instagram, Facebook and Tik Tok at Sabrina Rogers lmhc. And if you enjoy listening to this podcast, please leave a review on iTunes or wherever you're listening. This helps other women find and learn about the podcast. So they too can change their relationship with food and body. Let's get ready to stay off the diet roller coaster and live healthily ever after a dear listener, I have to be fully transparent with you in that I had this goal for these five episodes in five days. And had everything planned out. It was all in my head. And you know, the nasty perfectionism beast reared its ugly head and beat me in the booty. I have been putting off recording this episode. I have recorded it several times went down different rabbit holes and didn't like the way that it sounded so deleted it re recorded it. Oh, this has been a process all because I have this in my head that like this is the episode that you are really looking forward to this week. And I need to deliver, like the golden ticket to you setting goals that you can maintain working towards and achieve. And like all of this, I don't know, performance based high expectations on myself. That here we are 1030 on Wednesday, and this is supposed to go live in like 14 hours. And I'm just I'm just rolling with it. I have taken some time to reconsider why I was doing this five episodes in five days. Why I wanted to give you this framework for setting goals that you can achieve and maintain. And then letting go of that high expectation of myself that this one less than 30 minute podcast episode is going to answer all of your questions and fix all of your problems when it comes to goal setting. While I've been called a miracle worker, I can't do that in 30 minutes. And that's okay. So if after listening to this episode, and the episodes the entire week, if you're still kind of struggling with this goal setting process, what we're going to talk about today versus progress versus process goals, clean versus dirty goals. If you're still having some confusion, that's a good word for it around this, send me an email info at Sabrina rogers.com. And I want to hear about that, because then I can go back and I can create a workshop to help with this where we can see each other face to face in a virtual setting and I can hear from you and help you work through that stuff in real time. So now the thought is cleared up and out of the way. Let's get to today's content, we are going to talk about progress versus process goals or outcome goals versus process goals. We're going to talk about clean versus dirty goals. And then I'm going to walk you through my step for goal setting done, right. So if you didn't grab this from the intro, please go grab the activity that we did a couple days ago, where I had you write out some of the thoughts and feelings that you're experiencing a couple of years ago, and how that impacted your life where that was at where you were at who you were at at that time, because we're going to add to that, so you can either flip the paper over, because I had you do three sections on the front, have the whole backside for today's work. So let's get started with outcome goals, or progress goals versus process goals. So if we look at goals, we can kind of put them into two main types. We've got outcome goals, and we've got process goals. outcome goals are those larger goals that we set our server ourselves and it's very clear if you achieve it, or you don't outcome goals are focused on the end result, such as graduating with a degree, writing a book, starting a new job, those big things, and it doesn't have to be big. But focusing on that end result. What are you getting at the end, whereas process goals are more focused on those small Sabrina's steps that need to be completed to reach your outcome. So let's talk about some of the distinctions between process and outcome goals. Process goals are typically more detailed than outcome goals. They include all or some of because we're not doing that all or nothing thinking anymore. They include some of the necessary steps to get from point A to point B, point A being where you are now and point B being where you want to be in the future. Process goals are usually shorter term than outcome goals, which also makes them easier to achieve. Process goals have fewer moving parts than outcome goals. This means that, one they're easier to achieve, you're less likely to fail. And even if you do fail, you can look at what's not working, and implement something else to help you get to that outcome goal that point B. Process goals are often more concrete than outcome goals. For example, and we're going to talk about this a little bit later, when we get to clean versus dirty goals. If you want to, to write a book, you might set a process goal of writing 500 words every day, for 30 days. To me, that's very progress oriented still. But it is part of the process. You could also set an outcome goal, like I want to finish my first draft by the end of the year. That's very clear and concrete. We know there is a time on it, we know that there is a clear yes or no did you reach this goal? The problem with that is that if we don't meet the mark, if we don't achieve the goal, what happens, we end up feeling miserable. We think that we're a failure, and all of that work that we've done up until that point becomes null and void and feels like for naught. And that's not fair. Because even though you didn't get your first draft written by the end of the year, although you still wrote some of the book, right, like that's still progress that's still becoming that version of who you are. It just didn't happen at the moment that you had originally intended for it to be. Process goals are typically more achievable than outcome goals. Just because like I said, they're smaller, and it's all about enjoying the journey.

That's one of those statements that I remember from grad school, that some days I absolutely loved, and repeated my to myself all the time and then other times out. I really hated hearing it. Trust the process, enjoy the journey. Oh, but that's, that's part of it is, if we only set these outcome goals, if the only reason that we are having goals so that we can achieve and have something, we're missing out on that whole journey of becoming that version of ourselves that has this thing. And in order to have the thing, you don't just have the thing you need to think. And you need to feel like the person who has the thing you need to think and feel like a future version of yourself. Or even if you get the goal, it's not gonna mean as much, and it's not, it's not gonna last, you know, because a lot of these things aren't get there and then achieve the thing. And always stay at that level. They're just not, which kind of brings me to that clean versus dirty goals. And I had originally learned this from my mentor, Stephanie Dodi A, and if you would like to hear her version on it, and she's been doing talking about this a lot more than I have. And so she's got more of a refined process, you can go check out episode 305 of going beyond the food show, I will put a link to that in the show notes if you want or need that for later. But clean versus dirty goals. Dirty goals are what we would set when we were back in diet culture days. It's the ACT lose X number of pounds, exercise X number of minutes per day, coming from this place of looking at the intention looking at the why why are we doing this? Why do I have this goal. Oftentimes, I had the goal of losing weight, because I had it in my head that if I were a smaller size, I would hope Gosh, this is it's really loaded, I would have confidence, I would feel confident I would be confident. And then I would have a better job. And my relationship with Brian would be better. And I would be a better mom. And I would be a better friend. And I would be a better counselor. And I wouldn't be able to do all of these things that I wasn't doing. If only I could lose the weight. And so each year, I would vow that I was going to go on a diet and I was going to lose X number of pounds. Thinking that that's how I was going to feel confident thinking that that's how I was going to have all of those things that I wanted out of life. And then I realized that there's another way that that was a very dirty goal. Because even if I reached that goal, even if I lost whatever poundage that I had set forth that year. It didn't last, I got there and I wasn't suddenly happier with my life, I wasn't suddenly more confident. And in fact, I felt worse. Because I worked so hard, I restricted and sacrificed so much to get to that point. And none of the stuff that I thought was going to be there was there. That's very disheartening. And I used to internalize that personalized that it was my fault. There was something wrong with me, I was flawed in some way. That it was me, not the process. Not the goal, not the intention behind the goal. It was me. Now when I started to do more non diet healthy at Every Size work, when I started to look at clean goals, setting clean goals for myself. I looked at okay, what is my intention? Why do I want to lose weight? What do I think I will have when I lose weight? Or have this ideal body that I had in my head? Well, yeah, I thought I was going to feel more confident. I thought I was going to be a better person. I thought I was going to be a better counselor a better friend. And when I looked at okay, well there are lots of things that I can do to be those things. But until I own the fact that I'm already good enough. I'm not going to get to that point and stay at that point. So I did a lot of thought work and that's what I do a lot with my work with clients is this rather than this idea of having The thing first, and then having the feelings and the thoughts and being the person that I wanted to be, I needed to think and feel like that person, I needed to think and feel like a future version of myself. You know, when I was 15. In order to be a college graduate, I needed to change how I was thinking as sophomore High School Sabrina, to graduating with my master's program, there was a lot of growth that happened in between there. I know that seems kind of silly. But I mean, look throughout your life, a lot of your thoughts about yourself a lot of your beliefs about the world change as you become the person who you are today. And in order to have the things that you want out of life, you need to be that version of yourself, that can have those things. So let's look at the scenario of health of dirty versus clean goals. So dirty goal would be lose X number of pounds this month, because that's how I'll feel confident. A clean version of this is I want to feel better in my body, I want to have less pain. So I'm going to move my body daily, because I know it feels better. When I do this, I'm going to notice and honor my hunger and fullness cues, so that I'm not hangry. And so that I'm not uncomfortably full, I want to notice and honor my thirst so that my body moves with more ease, so that my skin feels more supple and less dry. I'm going to take my medications as prescribed, because they help me feel better in my body, which helps me feel better about my body, which then has that cyclical effect of thinking and feeling better and better and better about ourselves. Let's look at another scenario, shower money. Dirty goal would be I want to make six figures because that's how I finally feel confident and like I, I have arrived, I'm something I'm worth something, a clean goal around money would be maybe changing your thoughts working into have this belief that work can be fun and easy. Having this belief that money is renewing, they're always making new money listener, they're always making no money. And all you have to do is go out and make more money. Like it's always it's always readily available for you. I hope that gives you some really clear ideas on process versus progress goals and clean versus dirty goals. And again, if if there's any confusion here, if you want to work through some of this a little bit more, just shoot me an email info at Sabrina rogers.com. Okay, let's shift gears just a little bit. Pull out your activity from a couple days ago. And just take a few moments pause if you need to pause me the podcast if you need to. And just look over the last couple of years, looking over some of the wins and losses, some of the big highlights. Looking back over who you were each of those years, what were you thinking? What were you feeling? What were you doing? What did you have to just take a few moments to reflect on the last three years and then shift your focus just a little bit. Where do you want to be? What do you want to have? If I could wave my magic wand and you can have the life you want? What would it look like? This is identifying your outcome goal. This big.

sort of end of Andrews result goal. What do you want? Is it a new house? Is it a new job? Is it a new partner or is it to make X number of money? Is? Is it just to have more support? Is it to lessen your depression? lessen your anxiety? Is it to heal your relationship with food with your body? Like what do you want life to look like? In 2023? What do you want life to look like in 2025? So write some of that down on the back of your paper. Just make some notes, you can come back to this work through it later, or pause me and keep working through it. Second, identify why you want it. Why do you want these things? Why do you want that future life? Is it because you think that's what's going to give you confidence? Is it because you think that's what's going to make you worthy? Or is it something else? Why do you want this life? Now, looking back at the last few years of your life, were you working towards this outcome goal? Because you were searching for something else? Were you searching happiness? Were you searching for love in all the wrong places? Were you searching for confidence in all the wrong places? What are you really looking for? And then what's? Where do you want to be? This is where I want you to write down some of those things. Right out what things you will have the new house, the new dog, the new friends, the new job, the book, the podcast, the relationship with food, feeling confident? What are some of those things that you will have? And then what are you going to be doing? What does the day look like for you. And then last, but this is also where we start. Be thinking about what this future version of yourself needs to be thinking and feeling in order to have those things. You remember from previous episodes, that what we think and what we feel, influences how we behave, how we behave influences what we have. So for always focusing on the have portion, or the doing portion. It's only going to last for a short term, when we focus on the beam. And then the the doing and then the having it flow so much more natural. I also want you to take some time at this point to really look at these goals, this future version of yourself, is it really in alignment with who you are at your core? Or are these things that someone else has sort of imposed on you, and you've taken on even though it's not something that really feels right to you. And you'll know, you'll know if this is self imposed something that you really want because it's in alignment with who you are, and what you want out of life what you want to bring to this world? Or if it's somebody else telling you that you should do this. So then, the last second to last step of this is what do you need to do to start thinking and feeling like that future future version of yourself? In all of my work, it's thought work, we look at where your thoughts are now, and what the future version of yourself is thinking and then build a bridge to get you from point A to point B. And not with the doing not with the having but the thoughts. How does that future version of you think? Reflect on your intention? Why are you doing this? Why do you want this thing? Why do you want to be this future version of yourself? And then ask yourself what happens if I don't get it? What happens if you don't write the book In X number of years or months, what happens if you don't get the new job? Focusing on the process of getting there, that journey of being this future version of yourself, you might decide that that's not what you want anymore. Or you might realize that, Hey, I didn't quite meet meet my goal. But you know what I learned a lot along the way. I implemented a lot of things along the way. And so even though I didn't meet the outcome goal, specifically, I still feel really good about what I did. And then the last step is to reevaluate. Like I said, this might be something that you decide you don't want to do anymore. It might also be something that you're like, Yeah, I'm even more fired up and jazzed about it. I'm gonna keep pursuing this. Because even though I didn't get it, this time, I knew eventually, I will, I just gotta do a little thought more, more thought work on getting to that future version of myself. Speaking of alignment, before we wrap up for today, the biggest thing that I want you to spend some time thinking on with is clean versus dirty goals, is dirty goals often give you some sense of relief. It's this, oh, if I do this thing, then I'll get this thing. It's very tit for tat expectation, you do the work, you get the thing. Life doesn't always work like that. Whereas clean goals, if we're setting a truly clean goal, we can see how this is in alignment with our lives with who we are with what we want. And it's adding value to your life. Now, adding movement to your day, adds value to your life, because you feel better in your body, your body moves easier. Having a better relationship with food adds value to your life. Because you can enjoy food again, you can go out to eat, not worried about whether it's cooked in butter, or if you're going to over eat. So I hope this was helpful. It might be helpful in the future for me to spend some time talking about health promoting behavior. So if if that would be helpful, just let me know. Feel free to review this episode as many times as you need to help you work through some of your goals. And yeah, if I can be of any other assistance in this process, just send me an email to info at Sabrina rogers.com. And tomorrow, we're taking this to another level. So we've looked at the past, we've looked at what's working, what's not working, we've looked at barriers, what's gonna get in the way, we've looked at clean versus dirty goals, outcome versus process goals. You might have some goals that you want to start implementing. And tomorrow, I'm going to teach you how to make some of those habits. No more falling off the wagon. But let's create new habits for you tomorrow. So until tomorrow, dear listener, I wish you well.

Before we say farewell today, I want to share a bit more about the emotional eating revolution. The next session begins February 1. So if you're listening to this in real time, you can still join us. And if you happen to be finding this after January of 2023 Don't worry, there will be future offerings probably come summer. The emotional eating revolution is a 12 week online training for Busy Women who want to end their struggle with emotional eating so they can have a positive relationship with food, eat guilt free and finally look and feel like they have their shit together. It's an intimate program where we work to let go of the guilt and learn to listen to your body and honor what it needs and wants. Now there's no denying that getting to freedom around food includes many ups and downs. And thankfully, I'm an expert at breaking down each individual part and making it work in your life. I've graded the program in such a way that you can't possibly fail. As long as you follow the steps you will feel at peace around food. Now does this sound like you? I'm doing good one day than blowing it the next starting over and over and over. I binge on sweets and have no self control. I eat when I'm bored when I'm sad when I'm lonely. I just eat and eat. I can't control these cravings Get it found. I struggled years with my emotional eating binges and late night snacks. My husband would be out for the evening and I devour an entire Stuffed Crust Pizza. The shame and embarrassment would sit in and I'd quickly hide the pizza box under other garbage hoping and praying he wouldn't see it. There is hope. I learned emotional eating is something we all do, and I didn't need to feel bad about it. Now I teach other professional women how to end their struggle with emotional eating. So they can have a positive relationship with food, eat guilt free and finally look and feel like they have their shit together. Like I said, a key component of this program is the 12 weekly group calls and the two individual calls if you join in painful that's like the icing on the cake. It brings it all together. And the substance the cake, the pieces that come together to end your struggle with emotional eating are the eight modules. Why diet to feel do you eat foods you enjoy mindfulness and eating perfectionism. Change your habits, messages from your body control cravings, and the willpower myth busting module. In addition to these eight modules, you'll also get access right away to my guide to nighttime eating. Did you know that there are five types of nighttime eating? I go through each of these and what you can do about it. You'll also get access to the hunger fullness scale, which is your key to noticing your hunger and preventing eating to the point of discomfort. And if you want more information on the emotional eating revolution, are ready to sign up. There's a link in the show notes for you. If you aren't sure if the revolution is right for you. Let's get on a video chat. You'll get to meet me ask your questions, and then decide if this is what you want right now. I hope you hope to see you inside the revolution. And until next week from a wish you all the best