S3 E4: How to know if your counselor is a good fit

Today’s episode is an important one and expands on the last two episodes: How to Know If Your Counselor Is a Good Fit.  Whether you have just started working with a counselor or have working with someone for years. This episode will help you determine if the counselor is the right fit for you. 

Counseling is a deeply personal experience, and finding the right counselor is key to feeling safe, supported, and empowered in your healing journey. But how do you know if your counselor is the right match for you? What signs should you look for, and what should you do if something doesn’t feel right?

We’ll break it all down today by exploring red flags, green flags, and practical steps to take when assessing fit.

Transcript

Hi everyone, and welcome back to Health Hope Harmony, the podcast where we explore all the ways we can create meaningful change in our mental health and well-being. Today’s episode is an important one and expands on the last two episodes: How to Know If Your Counselor Is a Good Fit.  Whether you have just started working with a counselor or have working with someone for years. This episode will help you determine if the counselor is the right fit for you. 

Counseling is a deeply personal experience, and finding the right counselor is key to feeling safe, supported, and empowered in your healing journey. But how do you know if your counselor is the right match for you? What signs should you look for, and what should you do if something doesn’t feel right?

We’ll break it all down today by exploring red flags, green flags, and practical steps to take when assessing fit.

Segment 1: Why Fit Matters

Let’s start with why finding the right fit is so important. Counseling isn’t just about skills or expertise—it’s also about connection. Research shows that the relationship between the client and the counselor, often called the therapeutic alliance, is one of the biggest factors in whether therapy is effective.

Think of counseling as a partnership. You’re doing the work together, so it’s essential that you feel comfortable, respected, and understood by your counselor. A good fit can make you feel empowered to explore tough topics, while a poor fit might leave you feeling stuck or dismissed.

It’s worth taking the time to find someone who aligns with your needs and values because the right counselor can help you build trust in the process—and in yourself.

Segment 2: Red Flags to Watch Out For
I like to start with the not so good or negative and then end with the positive. So let’s look at some potential red flags.

These are signs that your counselor might not be the right fit for you—or, in some cases, that their behavior may be unprofessional or even harmful.

1. You Feel Judged or Criticized
If your counselor makes you feel ashamed or judged for sharing your feelings or experiences, that’s a major red flag. Counseling is meant to be a nonjudgmental space.

2. They Don’t Respect Boundaries
A counselor should always maintain professional boundaries. For example, if they overshare about their personal life or make you feel uncomfortable with their behavior, it’s worth addressing—or even considering a change.

3. They Minimize Your Feelings
If you bring up something important, and they dismiss it or say, ‘Oh, that doesn’t sound like a big deal,’ it’s a sign they’re not meeting you where you are.

4. They Push Their Agenda
Your counselor should be guided by your goals, not theirs. If they’re overly focused on topics you’ve said aren’t priorities or make comments that don’t align with your values, that’s a mismatch.

5. You Consistently Leave Feeling Worse
While it’s normal to feel emotionally drained after discussing tough topics, you shouldn’t consistently leave sessions feeling worse about yourself.

Story Example:
I once heard from someone who tried counseling with a provider who continually interrupted them and didn’t seem to listen. After a few sessions, they realized they felt more frustrated after sessions than before. They switched to a new counselor who gave them space to talk, and it made all the difference.

Segment 3: Green Flags to Look For 

So, what are the signs that your therapist might be a great fit? Let’s talk about some green flags.

1. You Feel Heard and Understood
In a good therapeutic relationship, your counselor listens actively and responds in a way that makes you feel validated. If you’re talking about something vulnerable, you should leave sessions feeling like your feelings were respected—not dismissed.

2. They Meet You Where You Are
A great counselor works at your pace. They don’t push you into discussing things you’re not ready to talk about, but they also gently challenge you to grow when the time is right.

3. They Use Language That Resonates with You
Language matters, especially when it comes to sensitive topics. For example, if you’re working through body image concerns, you might feel more comfortable with a counselor who’s HAES-aligned or familiar with intuitive eating concepts.

4. They’re Consistent but Flexible
Counselors with a clear approach who also adapt to your needs are golden. Maybe you like structured sessions one week and open dialogue the next—your counselor should be able to navigate those preferences.

5. You Trust Their Intentions
You don’t have to love every moment of counseling—it’s work, after all—but you should feel confident that your counselor has your best interests at heart. If you leave a session feeling challenged but safe, that’s a great sign of trust and alignment.

I once worked with someone who said they knew their counselor was a great fit because they used metaphors that clicked with them. They said, ‘It felt like they were speaking my language—like they just got it.’ That sense of connection created a foundation for amazing progress.

Segment 4: What to Do If It’s Not Working
So, what happens if you notice red flags or feel like the fit isn’t right? First, take a deep breath—it’s okay. Counseling is a personal journey, and it’s not uncommon to try a few counselors before finding the one who’s right for you.

Let’s get into what you can do if you start to feel like your therapy isn’t going the way you hoped or if it’s simply not the right fit for you. It can be tough to face this reality, especially after you’ve already invested time and energy into therapy. But the good news is: it’s okay to reassess and even make a change. The most important thing is that you’re getting what you need out of therapy.

So, what do you do if you realize it’s not working? Let’s break it down into actionable steps.

Step 1: Reflect on the Issue

The first thing to do is take a moment to reflect on what’s not working. Is it the approach your counselor is using? Is it something about the way you’re feeling in the sessions—maybe you don’t feel heard, or you don’t trust the direction of the work?

For example, you might notice that you’ve been talking for the last several sessions about a topic that’s important to you, but the counselor keeps redirecting you to other areas of your life. Or, you feel rushed, and there’s no space to process your emotions fully. If this is happening, it could be a sign that something’s not clicking.

I remember working with a client who came to me after feeling unheard by their previous counselor. They said, ‘I felt like I was always leading the conversation, and my counselor never seemed to get to the heart of what I was struggling with.’ After reflecting on it, they realized that the counselor’s approach wasn’t aligning with their need for deep emotional processing and empathy. This reflection helped them decide to seek someone who was more attuned to those needs.

Step 2: Have a Conversation

Once you've identified what feels off, the next step is to address it—if you feel comfortable doing so. Many clients hesitate to bring up concerns because they don’t want to upset the counselor or feel like they’re being difficult. But a good counselor will welcome constructive feedback, and it’s a critical part of your healing journey. Remember, counseling is a collaboration!

So, try saying something like:
“I’ve been feeling a little bit disconnected from the sessions lately. I don’t think we’re focusing on the areas I want to explore, and I’d love to hear your thoughts on how we can adjust the focus.”

Or:
“I’ve noticed that I’m not getting the emotional support I need. I feel like we’re focusing on practical strategies, but I’m looking for more understanding and empathy in our conversations.”

A good counselor will acknowledge your feelings, and this conversation might open the door to adjustments that can help you move forward together. It’s important to understand that feedback like this can lead to positive changes in the therapeutic relationship.

“I once had a client who was working through a trauma-related issue but felt like the counselor was more focused on ‘how-to’ solutions instead of creating space for the emotions tied to that trauma. After they brought it up, the counselor adjusted their approach to provide more of a trauma-informed, empathetic approach, and the client felt much more comfortable.”

Step 3: Consider a Change

What if you bring it up, and things don’t improve? Or maybe you’ve been feeling increasingly uncomfortable over time, and you’re not sure that a conversation will solve the issue. If you’ve tried to address the problem and the situation doesn’t improve, or if you just don’t feel like the relationship is working, it might be time to look for a new counselor.

Switching counselors isn’t a failure—it’s a step toward finding someone who truly aligns with your needs. Counseling is a deeply personal experience, and just like any relationship, there needs to be trust, understanding, and a shared vision for your progress.

I had a client share with me how they struggled with a counselor who was very ‘hands-off’ and didn’t offer enough guidance or structure. They said, ‘I felt like I was just talking into the void and never got any real feedback.’ After a couple of sessions, they realized the lack of structure wasn’t the right approach for their needs, so they decided to seek someone more proactive and directive. After making the switch, they found a counselor who offered the right balance of support and practical strategies, which made a world of difference in their progress.”

Step 4: Know Your Options

If you’ve made the decision to find a new counselor, it’s important to know that you have options—and you don’t have to feel overwhelmed by the process. Many counselors offer free consultations, which allow you to get a sense of whether they might be a good fit before committing to a full session. This is a great opportunity to ask questions like:

• What’s your approach to therapy?
• Do you specialize in [specific issues like trauma, anxiety, eating disorders, etc.]?
• How do you typically structure your sessions?
• Do you offer a sliding scale fee, or do you accept insurance?

During a consultation, pay attention to how the counselor makes you feel. Are they attentive and open to your concerns? Do they seem willing to collaborate with you in your healing process? These are important things to consider as you assess fit.

Another tip is to ask other people you trust for recommendations. This can be helpful because sometimes we don’t always know what’s available or what questions to ask. Whether it’s a trusted friend, family member, or colleague, getting feedback from people you respect can help you make an informed decision.

I had a client who initially felt embarrassed about the idea of switching counselors. They worried that it would be a hassle, but after finding a counselor who specialized in trauma recovery, they said, ‘I wish I’d done this sooner.’ Their new counselor offered a free consultation, and during that meeting, they felt heard and validated for the first time in a long time. It was such a relief to know that they had options, and ultimately, the switch led to huge progress in their healing.

Step 5: Give Yourself Grace

Switching counselors or reassessing your therapeutic relationship can feel uncomfortable or even discouraging at first, but remember: it’s part of the process. Healing is not linear, and the relationship you have with your counselor plays a huge role in your ability to make progress. If things don’t feel right, trust that it’s okay to reassess and seek out someone who fits better with your needs. You’re doing the hard work of self-discovery and healing, and finding the right therapist is a crucial part of that journey.

Finding the right counselor can feel daunting, but remember: you deserve a space where you feel supported, understood, and empowered. Trust your instincts, and don’t settle for less than a good fit.

If you’re currently in therapy and wondering if your counselor is the right match, I hope this episode gave you some clarity. And if you’re searching for a counselor, know that it’s okay to take your time—it’s worth finding someone who truly aligns with you.

Thank you for joining me for this episode of Health Hope Harmony. If you found this helpful, please share it with someone who might benefit or leave a review to help others discover the show.

Until next time, be gentle yourself.